gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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