Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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