I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
