Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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