VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
