in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
