I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My feet surprised me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
