when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
