If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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