did you get engaged???
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
