Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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