Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
