Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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