I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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