i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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