you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
