when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
