Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize