woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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