she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize