Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
