The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you had me at cake vodka
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
