I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
