The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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