He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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