but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
