Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize