i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
