i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
