so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
