Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
