My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Boobs are out for the taking
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
