Too much gin, very little bucket
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
