I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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