Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
