She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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