FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
