forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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