:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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