Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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