I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
