FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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