Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
