I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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