Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
