WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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