he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
