drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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