All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
