fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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