omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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