Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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