She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
