she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He passed out mid-signature
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
