tell your sister to shave her snatch
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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