ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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