You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
