I cockslap morals
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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