part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
