Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
