the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
