I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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