i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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