Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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