and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I enjoy the company of your penis
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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