i wish my penis had a tongue
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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