Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize