The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
