something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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