My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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