Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
