Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
