So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
