he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Semen is not good for contacts.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
