Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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