Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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