3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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