I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And then he peed in my hair
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