I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
