We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
