Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
