my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
