Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
