she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
