Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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