Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
