He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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