its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
