Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
