I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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