Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
