How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
